Three pieces of bittersweet lemon
The weather these few days have been so, so, sooooooo splendid it's unbelievable!!! What is even MORE unbelievable is the fact that I spent pretty much the whole weekend by myself in my room. Sigh. I know, I know. I'm a loser... :(
Truth be told, this past weekend had been one of the hardest weekend ever at the U of C. There were a few tough ones that I could think of, but this was definitely one of the toughest, and it involved one of my biggest weaknesses: being trapped in strong emotions. I would so love to blame it on the body (PMS and all that drama) but ultimately, I believe it was one big whip that was lashed on me to push me forward.
I'd been praying for God to help me move on but I was either crawling or clambering - possibly backwards. The whip was undoubtedly painful. I yelped as I saw my skin split open to expose raw flesh and blood underneath. So weak and vulnerable I was; this was probably how a lemon feels when it is sliced. But move on, I did.
Amongst all that pain, many lessons were learnt. One of them was the lesson of waiting.
I never really realized how hard it was to wait. Actually, let me rephrase that. I knew all along that waiting was difficult for me and I had always hated waiting. Okay, that was more honest. :)
Time is unquestionably a good medicine though. With time, a wound heals. A broken heart mends. A hurt soul forgives.
My problem with time is that I hardly wait. Maybe this is why I struggle so much with Statistic problems. I rush into the questions and hardly pause to think. Maybe this is why I find myself demanding to be healed right away when I seek healing. Or trying to solve a conflict that very day before I go to bed - because waiting gives me nightmares. Or jumping to conclusions and making wrong judgments when confronted with confusions.
To deal with this problem, the Lord dealt with my patience on Saturday. I stayed in despite the sunny and warm weather because I was waiting for a package to arrive. I bought a book online but United States Postal Service (USPS) failed to redeliver it to me for three times. Three times!!! They 放我飞机 three times! How can lah like that? I even skipped important meetings and hang-outs with cool peeps and escapades to the lake and garden to sacrifice three afternoons to wait for the package. (I am apparently still a li'l disappointed with USPS' lousy service. Heh.)
With all that were going on - waiting for a package that never arrived and thinking about HOPE and what-not and chewing on sorrow and mulling over hurts while everyone was out enjoying the sun and all definitely wasn't easy.
BUT!
There were more lessons for me to learn.
This weekend, I also learned that our spirituality should not be characterized by quantity. It isn't about how much you do, how well you perform or how much you pray, fast, go to bible study and the likes. These are mere means to an end, which is God Himself. Spirituality should be measured by the fruits we bear and not measured by our performances and sacrifices for God. The truth is, we can never do enough for God.
He taught me that I should not judge a spirituality of myself or others by quantizing efforts. Instead, I should let the reality of my life dictate my spirituality. What is the evidence of my relationship with God? Of knowing Jesus Christ? Do I have JOY? Do I have His LOVE, JOY and PEACE?
Pastor Seesun shared about his true desire for his kids on Sunday. Though he and his wife had big expectations and goals for their kids, all he really wanted for them was to be happy. Not to achieve THIS and THAT. What will all the A's and doctoral or law degrees and 4.0CGPA do if your children aren't happy at the end of the day?
If I, as a sinful and imperfect father on earth, want happiness for my kids, how much more the heavenly Father above?
REJOICE IN THE LORD ALWAYS! AGAIN I SAY, REJOICE!
This is what God wants for us. To rejoice in Him.
Through conversations with a couple of friends as well as bible study over the weekend, I had learned another lesson: It is not up to us to change a person. Whether or not God changes a person, we are here for Him to use to be a blessing to others. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD. (Job 1:21)
I believe that these three huge lessons are answers to some prayers. They're pretty impactful. I really thank God because He gave me so much joy and peace after opening my eyes. I can't say that life from now on will be smooth-sailing but one thing I know:
That we should NOT be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
(Galatians 6:9)
A beautiful life. XD
Hope deffered makes the heart sick
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your
hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
Psalm 42:11
This HOPE reminds me of a very heart-warming story I once read about four candles.
Four Candles burned slowly. Their Ambiance was so soft you could hear them speak.
The first candle said, "I Am Peace, but these days, nobody wants to keep me lit." Then Peace's flame slowly diminishes and goes out completely.
The second candle says, "I Am Faith, but these days, I am no longer indispensable." Then Faith's flame slowly diminishes and goes out completely.
Sadly the third candle spoke, "I Am Love and I haven't the strength to stay lit any longer." "People put me aside and don't understand my importance. They even forget to love those who are nearest to them." And waiting no longer, Love goes out completely.
Suddenly, a child enters the room and sees the three candles no longer burning. The child begins to cry, "Why are you not burning? You are supposed to stay lit until the end."
Then, the Fourth Candle spoke gently to the little boy, "Don't be afraid, for I Am Hope, and while I still burn, we can re-light the other candles." With shining eyes, the child took the Candle of Hope and lit the other three candles.
Never let the Flame of Hope go out of your life. With Hope, no matter how bad things look and are... Peace, Faith and Love can Shine Brightly in our lives.
The Story of Two Teardrops
As I was browsing through my previous unpublished posts to delete them, I came across this post dated February 14, 2009 that I somehow never published on blogspot.
This is beautiful. It is meaningful. Enjoy!
Two little teardrops were floating down the river of life. One drop said to the other, "I am the teardrop of a girl who loved a man and lost him." Who are you? "Well, I am the teardrop of the girl who won him."
Love is very strange. Love is unconditional commitment to an imperfect individual. You need it but when you love, it's like destining yourself for pain. You become addicted and dependent on the person. You become strong and at the same time, you open yourself up to being hurt. Love can make you bear any kind of pain and any kind of sacrifice. It can also make you feel stupid and act stupidly. Sometimes when you love and end up giving so much of yourself, subconciously you only discover how much you've given when the person you love hurts you or has to say goodbye.
Then you realize, an important part of yourself is already with that person. It goes away when he leaves and you are left with a sickening, empty feeling inside.
Tears are bound to shed from your eyes no matter how you force yourself to keep them in. Most teardrops ever shed on this earth have been for love or lack of it. When tears dry, a silent loss sticks to your heart for a long, long time.
Well, that's what you get for caring so much about someone. But how can you regret it? To give yourself freely and lovingly is the most beautiful thing you can do. Loving makes you real. Loving also makes you cry. And that is why a teardrop is also BEAUTIFUL.
Author Unknown
p/s: Don't worry; I haven't been crying. :)
I found a new love
FROZEN GRAPES!!!
GUESS WHAT?
This is the next best thing to snack on !! (the first being ice cream, of course!)
Nowadays, I hardly eat ice cream anymore. I figured that if I continued eating the way I did, I would suffer from obesity by the age of 30 and hence, increase my chances of developing Type II diabetes.
Nope, can't have that! I have great plans of marrying Mr. Right and raising up little miss beautiful and young mister handsome, you know. (But of course, if it is God's will). Tee hee.
Few days ago, I had this brilliant idea of stuffing my fruits in the freezer, which was working fine despite the broken refrigerator. To my delight, I found new snacks to accompany me throughout my studying period, much thanks to the broken refrigerator!
Superrrrr yummyyy. And healthy too!!!
You should try it as well! Hee...
OMG CENTIPEDES IN MY ROOM!!!!!
One week after we moved in, I saw this weird-looking bug in the living room and screamed. My housemates laughed at me for being a scaredy-cat.
A week ago, I found the same bug but this time IN MY ROOM, running across my carpet. It was 5 times bigger! It was the size of my thumb!
A second ago, I just killed another same bug, a small one.
I had a weird hunch and looked up "centipedes" online and found a picture of the exact same "BUG" that was crawling 5 inches away from my feet just now!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
HELLPPPPPP!!!
I'm feeling the chills.
*Sobs*
Found online:
"Centipedes are predators, feeding on small, living creatures such as insects, spiders, and other arthropods, like sowbugs, and millipedes. They use poison-filled jaws to help subdue their prey. Because of their predaceous habits, centipedes are beneficial arthropods.
Bites by a centipede are rare because it is very shy. Its jaws are also small and cannot break through human skin easily unless the centipede is pressed or squeezed. In the rare event of a bite, some swelling may be expected, but the pain should not be severe."
Is this supposed to make me feel better?
In another article, "They run fast, climb walls and even in your covers."
*waaaaaaiiiiiilllllllllll*
BOO-HOO-HOO!!!
Please take them away, Father!
Normal day
Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.
Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart.
Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
~Mary Jean Iron
This made my day
"Lia, you and ko really made me cry just now. I just got your birthday gift and no words can describe how overwhelming is the love I felt. The package was miraculously placed in my garden (dont know by who and dont know when cos my door was locked all the time) but I believe God sent angels to protect it on its way. You...'re such an encouragement to me at lots of times. Love you lots and miss u!!!!!! *hug tight tight*":D I'm so happy... :D
If nothing's going right, at least this is!
Hehe...
I just came back from my Statistics exam. It was from 6-7.30p.m.. By the time I got out of the exam hall at 7.40p.m., I could feel an imvisible knife twisting and turning in my stomach.
¡TENGO DOLOR DE ESTÓMAGO! It was a gastric attack.
I wouldn't say that the test went superbly well; I could have done better, but it's okay. :)
So I was hungry...and already late to small group. I opened the refrigerator and found that a lot of my food had become spoiled because the refrigerator is broken! I had a pretty nasty soup in the end. LOL. By the time I felt slightly better, it was already too late to go to small group.
Na, na, na.
I sat down on my desk and opened my Spanish textbook. Written and oral exam tomorrow lar~ Haven't started studying since I'd been spending a lot of time trying to understand what was going on with probabilities and stuff.
But, but, but,
I switched on my laptop and saw this message!
So happy! :D
This feeling is like the feeling I got...
when I woke up this morning to the voice of dear NN...
or when my dad called because he was concerned about me...
or when Liz, Jen, Susan and Henry brought Chinese food to our house...
or when Jerry very willingly helped me with Statistic problems...
or when Simonia came into my room telling me about "weird" things happening to her...
or when family and friends left encouraging comments on my blog...
I do realize that I have a lot to give thanks for albeit spoiled food, missed package delivery, bad health, lousy performance in exams and whatnot.
Yay! :D
The Many Deportments of Basketball Players
If you want to know the story, here goes:
You got the date, time and event. Man, you even got the seat number.
Thanks to Adrian, we got 50% discount for our tickets. (It's $5 by the way). For that price, this was where we sat...
Very, very high up...
And this was our view:
I was SUPER DUPER excited to try out my 70-300 Tamron telephoto zoom lens, which I hardly ever found to be useful.
What you are about to see is pretty amazing...
No, not the fact that the players had people helping them to stretch (though that was pretty awesome too) but the fact that I could watch the game so up close!
Spot your favorite player(s)! Hee.
I still cannot believe how well I could see through the zoom lens!
So far that I could actually take a picture of the basket at the other end of the court! (Photo is cropped though. Heh.)
Pretty amazing, aye?
I took soooooooooooooooooo many photos that night!!!
So many that I can even start creating a photobook for each player.
Lol.
Anyway, here are some close-up shots.
That's Brad Miller (#52) and Dwight Howard (#12) for you.
And there's Joakim Noah!!! and err... Gortat.
These two were always guarding each other. Later, I actually captured an unhappy Gortat trying to diss Noah. Or maybe he was just telling him, "Good job there, bud. Keep it up!" I don't know; you read his body language.
Anyway, my lens was so useful that I practically watched the whole game through the little viewfinder of my camera. Man, it was like a binocular!
Joakim and Kirk Hindrich were, in my opinion, two really good players :)
Hindrich and Nelson.
And there's Vince Carter holding the ball!
Nelson
and Noah
:)
.jpg)
And Bulls.com
XD
Now, on to more interesting shots.
I guess what I like a lot about photographing sports is the ability to freeze a particular moment in time.
Like a second before a person falls.
Or a second after a person falls.
Or a second after a person jumps.
Freezing an action allows us to see what we normally do not see in a split second.
Freezing this guy as he jumped for the ball allows make-belief that he's flying... Or defying gravity!
Do you see the angst? The
determination?
Not to say that wild imagination is good but it sure makes the story interesting by adding in lots of extra details! :)
But of course, freezing something or someone may also give room for misinterpretations.
For example, you do not know what was going on here.
Or here. James Johnson dancing with Player #20 on the court?!
London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down.... London bridge is falling down..... La la la la...
I know you like me a lot but let me get the ball first!And have you ever wondered how it looks like for a person who is in the midst of trying to keep his balance? Photography helps you capture that too. Interesting body contortion!
And pain!!! See it from their faces!
OOOUUWWHHH!!
But that night wasn't just about basketball. There were some really good performances too. Of course, it would be the cheerleading for the boys. (Sorry, don't want to put up photos because their clothes were too skimpy and tight!)
My favorite was the Bucket Boys. They're so cool! I wish I could play like them. Tee hee.
Jersey Boys was there too.
They were throwing out and parachuting down free shirts as well. It was too bad that we were sitting so far away. But look at this woman. She was climbing over to retrieve the free shirt that fell onto the other side of the partition. So POWER! XD
Now, on to more exciting actions! Dunking!
Ooh, very close!
Let's have some teamwork here and push the ball in together!Hey, I see my best buddy sitting at the third row! HULLO THERE! *jumps up and waves frantically*
Everybody, AAAAAAaaa.. open your mouths wide! We have a treat here!
And there's Matt Barnes, coming from the right! Guy in white jersey: Here, climb on me! It'll be easier to get the ball in!
And Richard did it! *gasp* This guy can jump!!!
I remember this moment. It was towards the last few seconds... And it was a jump ball. I also remember I was on the verge of falling off my chair because it was such a desperate moment, a last chance for the Bulls to redeem themselves to win the game.
Much to our chagrin, they, however, did no such thing.
I know I've put up a lot of pictures but you haven't seen all. These are just...2% out of my whole collection of photos for the day. I would probably delete a lot some time.
Anyway, here's my favorite player of the day (though I was supporting the Bulls and all):
Dwight Howard.
Why do I like him?
Because he likes to
SMILE!!!
And he dunks with
STYLE!!!
i don't know about tomorrow
i was walking home from the library
it was 11p.m. and it was dark
thinking to myself, that it was time finally
to start working on my Statistics homework
from the Regenstein
i passed by the Booth
into the dark lane
of East 58th street
i saw this black man
heading towards me from Kimbark street
"hey girl, hey girl,
come here!"
he called out to me
while his hand motioned for me to go nearer
he fastened his pace
just as my legs doubled their pace
he was still behind
so i whisked out my phone
and started to dial
the number of a friend so far yet so close
my apartment was still quite far away
but i saw lights blue and red
he had turned away
because there was a police car a block ahead
how weird it was
that i felt fine and unafraid
until i came into my room
and realized my legs were weak
though it happened six days ago
i became paranoid easily
every time i walked alone
in the dark i felt uneasy
**********
on Sunday, pastor preached from 2 Kings 6:8-23
have no fear, he said
because He who is in you
is greater than He who is in the world
if God is for uswho can be against us?**********
two hours ago
i was down and out
i felt dumb and sad
and my tummy cried for food
i heated up leftovers
but i suddenly remembered
a Spanish session i was supposed to go to
abandoning my food, i stepped out into the rain
and at that time
nothing weighed heavier than this heart of mine
with my hood on
i could hardly see
and as i was crossing the road
this four wheel drive truck came towards me
he didn't see me either
to him also i was invisible
it happened so fast
that by the time i realized what was
the truck was inches away from me
a cold feeling swept through me
probably a gust of fall wind
but i stared at him and walked on, apathetic inside
**********
my right middle finger can hardly bend
because i accidentally cut it on a screw
it happened a half hour ago
but only started hurting when the shock was gone
it was an incident
but had it not happened
who would have thought
that this finger's so important
because i did not treasure it
when it was fine and well
there's no point in regretting
now that i can write properly no more
**********
sometimes it's scary
because we know nothing about the future
like a baby
we only live in uncertainty and fear
who knows what's going to happen the next second?
or tomorrow?
there is none
but He who holds tomorrow
**********
I don't know about tomorrow
I just live from day to day
I don't borrow from it's sunshine
For its skies may turn to gray
I don't worry o'er the future
For I know what Jesus said
And today I'll walk beside Him
For He knows what is ahead
Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know Who holds tomorrow
And I know Who holds my hand
